Bring on the funny coffee at work stories!

This is possibly the greatest substance you can have that’ll boost your productivity at the office…legally of course. Coffea (coffee) is actually the genus name for approximately ten species of plants. Okay, that’s all the trivia I know. I just like to drink the stuff, now I’m more of a normal coffee kind of guy, not fancy cappuccinos, espressos, lattes, or whatever other types of combinations you can possibly imagine. Now I used to know a guy who always paid like 5$ for a cup of coffee every day. It was more complex than some research chemistry experiment, it was some macchiato (which I don’t really know what it is to be honest) with caramel all over the damn thing, he asked the coffee person (barista?) to line the cup with caramel (I kid you not) and put more caramel on top after the whipped cream. Now I ask you, what kind of drink is this? Now this guy was kinda odd, very much into himself, and to be honest, I have no clue if he was straight, which could explain the coffee thing. The funny part was that he always talked about having a high metabolism and not gaining weight whenever he drank this concoction. Strange guy, cause… he wasn’t the skinniest guy.

You know you drink too much coffee when...

1. Juan Valdez names his mule after you.
2. You can jump-start your car without cables.
3. You do twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
4. You can't remember your second cup.
5. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
6. Starbucks has a mortgage on your house.
7. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
8. You don't sweat - you percolate.
9. You grind coffee beans in your mouth.
10. You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
11. You answer the door before people knock.
12. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
13. You lick your coffeepot clean.
14. Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."
15. You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
16. You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
17. You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
18. Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
19. You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
20. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
21. You jog to work and arrive yesterday.
22. Your farts smell like Jamaica Blue Mountain.
23. Your eyes are brown...even the white parts.
24. You personally account for more than 1% of the Gross National Product of Brazil.
25. Mosquitoes that bite you can fly through glass.
26. You spend the weekend cross-country skiing....and cross the country!
27. You think skydiving is just too damned slow.

The office kitchen – a.k.a. coffee gathering

When I get in to work every morning, I can often see a heard of people hovering around the two coffee pots, the smell of freshly ground coffee permeating the air. Unfortunately the coffee at work sucks, it is considered to be oil or black tar in my opinion, but people still drink the java. A few people tend to drink waaay too much coffee if they mile a minute speech is any indication of their state of being. I wonder how those people sleep at night. Sleeping with eyes wide open? … Seriously creepy… If you ever encounter someone who’s had a lot of coffee in a short period of time… try talking unusually slow, you can get some awfully funny reactions.

People drink coffee in all sorts of ways; some have it cold (which really doesn’t sound terribly good), some people use like a cup of sugar, some put ice in there (again… why??), some people drink it black, and then you have people who use enough cream to cause cows everywhere to flinch in a painful manner.