I’m going to start this series off by easing everyone into the topic of using the bathroom at work.  I have been waiting a long time to write my thoughts on the topic, but first I want to ease everyone into it with a short story that is one of the strangest stories from the office bathroom.

When I started traveling about two years ago, I was working with a very small group of people.  There were the normal people that you always see in the office but there was also one of the scariest men I’ve ever seen.  Now, this guy was probably about 6’6 and a good 300lbs.  I can only guess that his career as a football player didn’t work out, so he decided to eat a midget and take some computer classes.  On top of being gigantic, he also used to sit in his little office in the server room and sleep.  Nobody was going to say anything to him because we all thought he just might snap and tackle you to the ground.

As I set this story up, there is one more important thing that I should explain for the female readers out there.  The urinal in the mens bathroom is a strange thing.  Now personally I have no problem hitting this target, but sadly there are many people that do.  You can ask any guy about going into a public washroom and he will tell you that, in general, it looks like a war zone around the urinal.  They’ve even invented little target signs for in the urinal so that we will be less likely to miss.  We’re amused easily.

Now then, back to the story.  It is a sunny day and it is about 3 o’clock in the afternoon.  I drank a little too much water at lunch and decide that it’s time for me to go water the lilies – a.k.a. take a piss.  As I wander into the washroom I see there are two urinals.  These urinals aren’t the ones that extend the full length of the wall with the drain in the bottom; these ones are both raised up on the wall. 

I go to use the left most urinal, but just as I’m approaching I notice that there is a HUGE puddle in front of it.  Upon a second glance, it is obvious that someone either pissed themselves, or forgot their glasses at home and missed by a good 2 feet.  But, hey, there is another urinal – I can still go.

I saunter over to the right most urinal and start to use the bathroom.  As I’m chilling there enjoying my piss, I look up on top of the urinal.  Now, the top of the urinal is probably close to the 5 foot mark.  On top of the urinal is just a ton of pee.  I mean it looks like someone dumped a bottle of apple juice up there.  As I finished up it donned on me that in order to get piss on top of the urinal – something drastic had to have taken place.

You see, I figure if you are going to try to get urine on the top of the urinal, you need to aim that bad boy pretty high.  On top of that, there has to be some kick back, which could explain the monster puddle on the floor.  However, even though there was a puddle on the floor, the person who managed to accomplish this had to get a bunch all over themseles.  But was it that simple.  I think not, I will tell you my theory.

I think that the gigantic ex-football playing server room guy did it.  He is the only person that has the angle to do it easily.  And to top it all off, as I walked out of the washroom he was just down the hallway and had a huge smile on his face.  Now, this might not seem out of the ordinary, but for him to not have his ‘I’m going to kill you’ face on -  it was a big deal.

For the rest of my three months at that office everyone knew my story and we had all decided that it was Gigantor.  I personally did my best to stay in my cubicle and not have to use the washroom at work.  Who knows what I might have found next time...but we'll talk about that in a later story :)