Here’s the official definition:

Dullard: 

 A noun

  1.  Bore, dullard

        A person who evokes boredom 

  2.  Stupid, a stupid person, dullard, dolt, 
       pudding head, pudden-head, poor fish, pillock

       A person who is not very bright

There’s one in every company, at least as long as I’ve worked.  You can’t miss them because they are the people that obviously don’t know what they are talking about, yet insist on talking to you.  They will talk to you about everything from their weight and eye color, to their family history and medical conditions – and believe me I do not want to know about your rash.  Eventually you learn techniques on how to avoid the office dullard, see below, but you really have to feel sorry for the new hires.  They have no idea the dullard is in their midst and all of a sudden they find themselves locked in an epic battle on how to escape the conversation.

If it were possible to use the force of the dullard for good, instead of their own stupidity, we could all benefit.  I’ve considered building up an army of dullards to use during negotiations.  If I’m not getting what I want, I will just let them do the talking until the other side concedes.  In some cases, the dullard doesn’t even have to talk – they can just stare at you, hoping you will continue the conversation, until you feel so awkward you say something and the cycle starts all over again.  I am honestly not sure how I could get such a large team of dullards together without being forced into an asylum due to their mass stupidity.  But if means less work for me, I’m sure I could find a way.

So how do you avoid the office dullard?

1. 1. DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT! – Once you make eye contact, the attraction or pull is similar to that of gravity, and when you fall you will fall hard!

    

2. 2. Don’t wave, don’t nod.  Pretend they aren’t there.  One error here could lead to horrors beyond your imagination.

    

3. 3. Look as if you’re concentrating and fiddling with notes.  Not unlike when the boss walks by – only this is more important.

    

4. 4. Look angry – I like this one, it seems effective against more than just a dullard.

What to do when you’re already caught by a dullard?

This awesome Strong bad comic has some tactics against the office dullard:

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail37.html

1. 1. Stare blankly at them (kind of similar to stage fright) – just stop moving as you stare at them… and wait for them to leave.  This is one hard to do as the dullard may not realize the situation for a good while. I’ve heard horror stories of people having to stare for close to an hour.

2.  

3. 2. Zone out – It has a similar look to the first item, but this allows you to escape to a world of your own, possibly protecting your mind from the incessant rambling of the dullard. 

    

4. 3. When all else fails and you’re unable to escape…break down crying. That should hopefully provide an uncomfortable enough of a situation for the dullard to leave.

I'm all out of suggestions. What would you people do?