Managers… managers can be finicky creatures. They can panic in an instant and the next thing they are preaching on how things should be done.  Now don’t get me wrong, there are several good managers out there, and when you find one then learn what you can from them. If you are good manager, then I salute you.  I have seen many a manager lie straight through their teeth and/or blab on about something that manages to raise morale. I think some of the weirdest things come out of their mouths. 

 “Do the right thing” – now I’ve heard this one countless times. It cracks me up every time.  It’s often phrased with words involving a new feature or support to be added to software.  I am so tempted to respond by saying: “… as opposed to doing the wrong thing?” Of course, unless I feel like causing a ruckus and potentially getting myself fired, then I’ll avoid this response…but it’s so damn tempting.  I think the main reason for this saying is probably due to the manager’s complete lack of knowledge of the problem and therefore there is a vague sense of security by claiming to have the employee do the right thing and yet not tell not him what the right thing is.   (Ok that was probably a long winded way of saying it)

&ltHands you a specification&gt “When can you get this done?” – Ok, I’ve probably exaggerated this one… I personally do not get handed specifications that would ideally make my life easier.  I get more of a vague, ambiguous, muffled speech on what the general issue is (there tends to be some hand waving involved on the manager’s side.)

“I need to know the unknowns for this problem.” – This one does not happen that often fortunately, otherwise I suspect that there would be a mass mutiny among the employees. 

Setting a release date without any investigation into how long it’ll take to solve a problem or developing a feature.  This one is probably one of the most frustrating ones.  “We are going live on &ltsome date&gt.  Get this done by then.”  Now I must say, those are some kick ass planning skills (note the sarcasm).  It’s amusing to just say “no” to these types of managers (with good reason of course) and then watch them squirm a fair bit, which is actually pretty entertaining and somewhat of a rare phenomenon.    

As I said, managers are a funny breed… and they say some crazy things.  What have you heard?