You know, it's not often that I get the opportunity to go on a little bit of a rant, but today I am making sure that I rant and rave like a lunatic about something that will never be fixed.  It happens no matter where you go, and the first time you really notice it is when you're at college.  What is this thing that could make me want to go on a little rant today?  I will tell you what it is, the "Smelly Chair".

So, let me explain exactly what happens.  There is a person in your office, maybe they are the nicest person there is.  Anyway, they are sitting at their desk and all of a sudden the bean burrito that they ate for lunch starts coming back to haunt them.  Thinking nothing of it, they do the old lean and fart to mask the sound.  It goes surprisingly well, with nobody looking at them - so for the next 4 months they continue to do this routine.  You see what the problem is here?  The problem is that no matter how much they lean, that fart is going directly into the chair fabric.  Not only that, but the fabric is holding that wretched odor in.

Now this person who has thoroughly stunk up that chair gets moved to a new location in the office.  Enter, you, the new guy in the building.  You get the office that just became available.  For the first few days you don't notice anything, but then you start to think "Jesus, did I just shit in my pants?" every time you sit down.  It doesn't dawn on you for the first few weeks that when you sit down it is creating what I have affectionately deemed the 'stink tunnel'.  This is a tunnel that is created when your weight pushes the stench from the chair out in all directions, with one tunnel going straight to your nose. 

And there you are, by lunch your pants stink like 4 month old ass and whenever you go home your significant other thinks that you were changing baby’s diapers all day.  Don't even get me started with people coming over to your desk to look at your computer.  You sit down in the stink chair and BAM they pass out, hit their head, and you have to come up with a good story to cover why Johnny is half dead on your floor.  But really, if your chair does stink and someone comes over to help you out, when you sit down they are going to smell it.  Next thing you know you're being called the Office Stink Nugget - and you haven't even done anything but sit in your damn chair.

Eventually, you will figure out what is happening and try to get a new chair.  But if you don't get one, or even if you do, the cycle will repeat.  You'll break some wind into the chair, creating a potpourri of mud butt.  I say, give a new employee a new chair.  Save them the laundry money for washing their pants every night to get your stinky farts out of their clothes.  I think it only makes sense - I say lets band together and ditch the 'Smelly Chair' and never have to worry about stink tunnels again!