Who are they?  You get up a little earlier in the morning so that you can pack your lunch.  You get your main meal, a snack, maybe an apple and take it to work.  Once you're there you put the meal in the work refrigerator and go off to your desk.  When lunch time rolls around you go to get your lunch and BAM it is missing most of its major components.  Did the Hamburglar get you?  Were you that tired that you only thought you packed the rest of the food?  No, this is due to the Lunchtime Looters.

I have personally never had anything stolen from the work refrigerator.  However, I am confident that I have seen people stealing someone else’s food.  It is pretty easy to tell when someone is double checking the room every 2 seconds to make sure that nobody new is in the break room.  But I need to know.  Why do they do it?  Is it their inner bully coming out?  Maybe the spent all of their money on that Porsche outside and they can't afford their own cookies.  I just don't understand why people steal from the office fridge.

Say that for some reason I started noticing my food disappearing.  I can almost guarantee what I would do.  It's called Operation:Poison.  My lunch would be so attractive that even the eighty year old secretary would want some...better she wants some of the cookies than some of my package...but I digress.  The highlight of the lunch would be a delicious looking bag of chocolate chip cookies.  Baked with care, love, and just enough laxative that I might figure out who ate them.  I can almost hear the painful screams of the Lunchtime Looter.

I'm sure there are other ways to make this person feel horrible.  Maybe start putting pictures of your children on all of the food.  If you don't have kids...find a picture on the internet and slap that on the food.  Put a little piece of paper on the food that says "May contain arsenic." or "Secret ingredient is for you".  I think the best would be catching them in the act and giving them a Terry Tate tackle.  Maybe I'm just violent...I don't know.  But revenge can be sweet and I highly suggest it.  What would you do?

Employee 505 is right (don’t tell him I said that)… it’s been ages since we’ve update the site, but we’re back! On my side, I moved to a new place and unfortunately my internet wasn’t turned back on for nearly a month. On top of that, we had a storm that knocked out power in my new place for eight freaking days. We actually had power back on the 22^nd of December… my favorite thing to do on Christmas? Having a hot shower. One temperature allowed: scalding. Anything to remind me of the heat I had lost and now I have the burns to remind me. Work-wise, the holidays were fun… my work decided to call me during the Christmas weekend and then again on New Year’s Day. We actually had one manager call it a “tradition” that there are these critical issues during the holidays every year. After that series of unfortunately events, I took a vacation. I needed it. But I’m back, yes it is mid February but it’s good to be back. And apparently just in time for… Vista.

It's been a while, but we're back.  It was definitely not for lack of cubicle stories that we weren't posting new entries - sadly it was due to an abundance of worked combined with the holidays.  But the old man dressed in red is gone for another year, and we've managed to bull shit our way through all of the work we've had.  So with that being said, allow me to tell you a story of one person that drives me crazy in my office.  The person in question?  Mr. Talks Out Loud.

Now when it comes to thinking out problems and coming up with great solutions I am a huge fan of anything that works.  When I'm trying to learn something in the comfort of my own home, a lot of times I will read things out loud because it helps me comprehend it better.  But you know what I don't do?  I don't just randomly talk out loud in the office.  There are names for people that do that.  I like to think that 'crazy-person' sums them up nicely.  If you were to be sitting on the bus and the person next to you started talking to himself like he was asking you questions, would you say that is a normal person?  I personally, might try talking back to them in a language I made up.  See what happens.  Roll the dice.  Hope they don't have a knife.

What makes this guy worse is that he doesn't just mumble the conversation to himself - he literally speaks it.  Normal tone, normal volume - hence I have to look over and see what the hell is going on.  If he isn't talking to himself, he is singing. Not a song per say.  More like random words thrown together to a tune that I'm sure has something to do with the apocalypse.  It's nearly impossible to actually think, let alone work, when this is happening.  So what do you think I should do in this situation?  I've just about had my wicks end.

First I thought that maybe, just maybe I could go over and ask him to stop.  But then I look at this poor bastard and think - maybe if I tell him to stop the voice in his head might take over.  What if that voice is going to tell him to jump through the window?  Do I want that on my conscious?  Second thought was maybe if I start doing the same thing he will realize that it's a distraction and that he is totally insane.  I quickly realized that there is a good possibility that he might take this as me being one of his own.  I do NOT want to be thought of as one of his own.